This is a joke, but so on the money!
Get your facts right, liberals
FACTS
The day the Democrats took over was not January 22nd 2009
-- it was actually January 3rd 2007.
The day the Democrats took over the House of Representatives
and Senate, the start of the 110th Congress.
The Democratic Party controlled a majority in both chambers for
the first time since the end of the 103rd Congress in 1995.
"For those of you who are listening to the liberals propagating
the fallacy that everything is "Bush's Fault," think about this:
January 3rd, 2007 was the day the Democrats took over the Senate
and the Congress:
At the time: The DOW Jones closed at 12,621.77
The GDP for the previous quarter was 3.5%
The Unemployment rate was 4.6%
George Bush's Economic policies SET A RECORD of 52 STRAIGHT
MONTHS of JOB CREATION!
Remember the day.
January 3rd, 2007 was the day that Barney Frank took over the
House Financial Services Committee and Chris Dodd took over the Senate Banking
Committee.
The economic meltdown that happened 15 months later was in what
part of the economy? BANKING AND FINANCIAL SERVICES!
THANK YOU DEMOCRATS for taking us from 13,000 DOW, 3.5 GDP and
4.6% Unemployment to this CRISIS by (among MANY other things) dumping 5-6
TRILLION Dollars of toxic loans on the economy from YOUR Fannie Mae and
Freddie Mac FIASCOS!
Bush asked Congress 17 TIMES to stop Fannie & Freddie -
starting in 2001 because it was financially risky for the US economy).
And who took the THIRD highest pay-off from Fannie Mae AND
Freddie Mac? OBAMA
And who fought against reform of Fannie and Freddie?
OBAMA & the Democratic Congress
So when someone tries to blame Bush
REMEMBER JANUARY 3rd, 2007 THE DAY THE DEMOCRATS TOOK OVER!
Bush may have been in the car but the Democrats were in charge
of the gas pedal and steering wheel they were driving.
Set the record straight on Bush!
"It's not that liberals aren't smart, it's just that
so much of what they know isn't so."
- Ronald Reagan
Friday, September 17, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Psalm's 2009
PSALM 2009
Obama is the shepherd I did not want.
He leadeth me beside the still factories.
He restoreth my faith in the Republican party.
He guideth me in the path of unemployment for his party's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the bread line,
I shall fear no hunger, for his bailouts are with me.
He has anointed my income with taxes,
My expenses runneth over.
Surely, poverty and hard living will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will live in a mortgaged home forever.
I am glad I am American,
I am glad that I am free.
But I wish I was a dog,
And Obama was a tree.
Obama is the shepherd I did not want.
He leadeth me beside the still factories.
He restoreth my faith in the Republican party.
He guideth me in the path of unemployment for his party's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the bread line,
I shall fear no hunger, for his bailouts are with me.
He has anointed my income with taxes,
My expenses runneth over.
Surely, poverty and hard living will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will live in a mortgaged home forever.
I am glad I am American,
I am glad that I am free.
But I wish I was a dog,
And Obama was a tree.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
KNOW THE SYMPOTMS...PLEASE READ!
KNOW THE SYMPTOMS.....PLEASE READ!
Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder. Somehow I feel better even
though I have it!!
Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit
Disorder This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over
at my car and decide it needs washing.
As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up
from the mail box earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the
table, and notice that the can is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on
the table and take out the garbage first.
But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the
garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.
I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left.
My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk
where I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking.
I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Pepsi aside so
that I don't accidentally knock it over.
The Pepsi is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it
cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi, a vase of flowers on the counter
catches my eye--they need water.
I put the Pepsi on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've been
searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the
flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and
suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote,
but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back
in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.
Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day: the car isn't washed the bills aren't paid there's a warm
can of Pepsi sitting on the counter the flowers don't have enough water, there's
still only 1 check in my check book, I can't find the remote, I can't find my
glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled
because I know I was busy all day, and I'm really tired.
I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but
first I'll check my e-mail....
Do me a favor. Forward this message to everyone you know, because I don't
remember who I've sent it to.
Don't laugh...if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!!
Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder. Somehow I feel better even
though I have it!!
Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit
Disorder This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over
at my car and decide it needs washing.
As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up
from the mail box earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the
table, and notice that the can is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on
the table and take out the garbage first.
But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the
garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.
I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left.
My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk
where I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking.
I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Pepsi aside so
that I don't accidentally knock it over.
The Pepsi is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it
cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi, a vase of flowers on the counter
catches my eye--they need water.
I put the Pepsi on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've been
searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the
flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and
suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote,
but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back
in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.
Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day: the car isn't washed the bills aren't paid there's a warm
can of Pepsi sitting on the counter the flowers don't have enough water, there's
still only 1 check in my check book, I can't find the remote, I can't find my
glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled
because I know I was busy all day, and I'm really tired.
I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but
first I'll check my e-mail....
Do me a favor. Forward this message to everyone you know, because I don't
remember who I've sent it to.
Don't laugh...if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!!
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Black Hurricanes
Black hurricanes....
Well, it appears our African-American friends have found yet something else to be pissed about. A black congresswoman (this would be Sheila Jackson Lee, of Houston), reportedly complained that the names of hurricanes are all Caucasian-sounding names. She would prefer some names that reflect African-American culture, such as Chamiqua, Tanisha, Woeisha, Shaqueal, and Jamal. I am NOT making this up!
She would also like the weather reports to be broadcast in 'language' that street people can understand because one of the problems that happened in New Orleans was, that black people couldn't understand the seriousness of the situation, due to the racially biased language of the weather report (are we living in America???).
I guess if the weather person says that the winds are going to blow at 140+ MPH, that's too hard
to understand.
I can hear it now: A weatherman in New Orleans says... Wazzup, mutha-fukkas! Hehr-i-cane Chamiqua be headin' fo' yo ass like Leroy on a crotch rocket! Bitch be a category fo'! So, turn off dem chitlins, grab yo' chirren, leave yo crib, and head fo' de nearest FEMA office fo yo FREE shit!
Well, it appears our African-American friends have found yet something else to be pissed about. A black congresswoman (this would be Sheila Jackson Lee, of Houston), reportedly complained that the names of hurricanes are all Caucasian-sounding names. She would prefer some names that reflect African-American culture, such as Chamiqua, Tanisha, Woeisha, Shaqueal, and Jamal. I am NOT making this up!
She would also like the weather reports to be broadcast in 'language' that street people can understand because one of the problems that happened in New Orleans was, that black people couldn't understand the seriousness of the situation, due to the racially biased language of the weather report (are we living in America???).
I guess if the weather person says that the winds are going to blow at 140+ MPH, that's too hard
to understand.
I can hear it now: A weatherman in New Orleans says... Wazzup, mutha-fukkas! Hehr-i-cane Chamiqua be headin' fo' yo ass like Leroy on a crotch rocket! Bitch be a category fo'! So, turn off dem chitlins, grab yo' chirren, leave yo crib, and head fo' de nearest FEMA office fo yo FREE shit!
Friday, July 30, 2010
Larry for PRESIDENT!!!
LARRY FOR PRESIDENT !!!!!!
Advice from Larry, from the farmer next door.
Everyone concentrates on the problems we're having in Our Country lately: Illegal immigration, hurricane recovery, alligators attacking people in Florida . . . .
Not me -- I concentrate on solutions for the problems -- it's a win-win situation.
* Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border.
* Send the dirt to New Orleans to raise the level of the levees.
* Put the Florida alligators in the moat along the Mexican border.
Any other problems you would like for me to solve today?
Think about this:
1. Cows
2. The Constitution
3. The Ten Commandments
COWS:
is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
THE CONSTITUTION:
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq ...why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.
THE 10 COMMANDMENTS:
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this -- you cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians, it creates a hostile work environment.
Also, think about this ... if you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone -- YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM!
Advice from Larry, from the farmer next door.
Everyone concentrates on the problems we're having in Our Country lately: Illegal immigration, hurricane recovery, alligators attacking people in Florida . . . .
Not me -- I concentrate on solutions for the problems -- it's a win-win situation.
* Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border.
* Send the dirt to New Orleans to raise the level of the levees.
* Put the Florida alligators in the moat along the Mexican border.
Any other problems you would like for me to solve today?
Think about this:
1. Cows
2. The Constitution
3. The Ten Commandments
COWS:
is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
THE CONSTITUTION:
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq ...why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.
THE 10 COMMANDMENTS:
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this -- you cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians, it creates a hostile work environment.
Also, think about this ... if you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone -- YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM!
Thursday, July 29, 2010
The Vasectomy
A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Before the procedure the nurse comes in to take his vitals, and then tells him to take all of his clothes off. When he is fully undressed she instructs him to lie down on the table. The man obeys. The nurse then takes all of her clothes off and climbs on top and has her way with him. Upon the completion of the act the man catches his breath and asks what that was all about. The nurse informs the patient that studies have shown that, before a vasectomy, if the man has an ejaculation he will be more relaxed and the tubes are easier for the surgeon to locate and sever.
The nurse then wheels the patient to the operating room. While they are going down the hall the patient sees six men in a room masturbating. Curious, the man asks, "What are they doing in there?" The nurse responds, "They are getting vasectomies too, but you have Blue Cross and they have Obama Care."
The nurse then wheels the patient to the operating room. While they are going down the hall the patient sees six men in a room masturbating. Curious, the man asks, "What are they doing in there?" The nurse responds, "They are getting vasectomies too, but you have Blue Cross and they have Obama Care."
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
"Ghosts"
A professor at Auburn University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies.
To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts?'
About 90 students raise their hands.
Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?'
About 40 students raise their hands.
That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?'
About 15 students raise their hand.
Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?'
Three students raise their hands.
That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost ?'
Way in the back, Ahmed raises his hand.
The professor takes off his glasses and says 'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.'
The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.
When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, Ahmed, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?'
Ahmed replied, "Shit, from way back there, I thought you said 'goats'".
To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts?'
About 90 students raise their hands.
Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?'
About 40 students raise their hands.
That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?'
About 15 students raise their hand.
Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?'
Three students raise their hands.
That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost ?'
Way in the back, Ahmed raises his hand.
The professor takes off his glasses and says 'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.'
The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.
When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, Ahmed, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?'
Ahmed replied, "Shit, from way back there, I thought you said 'goats'".
Monday, July 19, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
Jane and Arlene
Jane and Arlene
Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Arlene: What in the h#ll is that?
Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Arlene: Where did you get it?
Jane: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.
'Doesn't matter, Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'
The pharmacist fainted.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Grandmom's Boyfriend
A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing
with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up
and said, 'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that
Grandpa went to heaven?'
Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my
bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel
good and the comedies make me laugh... I'm happy with my TV as my
boyfriend.'
Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She
started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus.
Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix
the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the
door and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, 'Hello son
is your Grandma home?'
The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom banging' her
boyfriend.'
THE MINISTER FAINTED
with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up
and said, 'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that
Grandpa went to heaven?'
Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my
bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel
good and the comedies make me laugh... I'm happy with my TV as my
boyfriend.'
Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She
started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus.
Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix
the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the
door and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, 'Hello son
is your Grandma home?'
The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom banging' her
boyfriend.'
THE MINISTER FAINTED
How God Created Maryland
God was missing for six days. On the seventh day, Michael, the archangel, found him - resting. He inquired, "Where have you been?" God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds. "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet" replied God, and I've put life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test Balance." "Balance?" inquired Michael, "I'm confused." God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth. "For example, he said, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things."
God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and asked, "What's that one?" "That's Maryland, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, ocean, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, and plains. The people from Maryland are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of good things."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what about balance, God?
You said there would be balance..."
God smiled, "Right next to Maryland is Washington, DC. Wait till you see the idiots I put there."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet" replied God, and I've put life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test Balance." "Balance?" inquired Michael, "I'm confused." God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth. "For example, he said, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things."
God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and asked, "What's that one?" "That's Maryland, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, ocean, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, and plains. The people from Maryland are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of good things."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what about balance, God?
You said there would be balance..."
God smiled, "Right next to Maryland is Washington, DC. Wait till you see the idiots I put there."
Gotta Pee
Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out.
Both were very faithful and loving wives, however
They had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.
Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to Pee, so they stopped in
the cemetery.
One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off
her panties and use them.
Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did
not want to ruin them.
She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with
a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.
After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.
The next day one of the woman's husband was concerned that his normally
sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the
other husband and said:
'These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst.
My wife came home with no panties!!'
'That's nothing' said the other husband, 'Mine came back with a card
stuck to her ass that said.....
'From all of us at the Fire Station.
We'll never forget you.''
Both were very faithful and loving wives, however
They had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.
Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to Pee, so they stopped in
the cemetery.
One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off
her panties and use them.
Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did
not want to ruin them.
She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with
a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.
After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.
The next day one of the woman's husband was concerned that his normally
sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the
other husband and said:
'These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst.
My wife came home with no panties!!'
'That's nothing' said the other husband, 'Mine came back with a card
stuck to her ass that said.....
'From all of us at the Fire Station.
We'll never forget you.''
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